Walking right behind not beside, listening to your words but never mine. I always thought that it was me, something is wrong as I tried to improve, I tried to figure out and I tried to convince myself that everything will be alright as we promised. But as I step further, I could see with different perspective.
I’m pushing myself too hard, I’m pleasing them too well, I feed them with my fears as I shared my shadows, making me feel small, not safe, not even close to home. I keep my door lock, safe and sound.
Until I met a person who insanely different than the others I met before, it’s like the opposite but in a good way. Having less similarity and interest I thought we could not work out, but eventually we did. Adding another, and another and more, I’m able to open up to them. Again I tried to come back but it seems like, not fading but more like avoiding. Still I used to feel or be like just, someone’s shadows. A good friend of mine said that
“You’re not even a shadow, more like a light, you get want you need more than what you want”. – S
Words coming in and out of my head trying to figure out what do I really need? I depend and rely my happiness on someone more than doing things to myself, or believe in myself that I could put a smile on my face. Slowly I learn how to, not letting people go out of my life because it seems depressed to state that, it’s more like walking away from those who don’t give a shit about your efforts, not giving a fuck as well. We don’t talk anymore, to be exact we never did, wasn’t real. Is it just a trick to get in depth of what I am, who I am, my past was. It is how the society creates us to ask stories, instead of keeping in a room, better as mouth to mouth to out till a circle knows? Again I’ll get over it and learn, who the fuck are you, to even deserve it.