One look, and there it is I just have to stop. I can’t see it clearly but lets hope I didn’t get it, at least for now.
First I need to find group members to work with, ended up with three girls and a guy. I am bad with names except for this one, never heard of it before. As days goes by in exchange of words with books, we met again. Small chat won’t bother much as long as I look away and thats it. I’m used to it. I do not talk that much. Assignments; due date was in the corner, meetings are useless for me as selfish as I tried to be, I was mad and did what I have to and this will end as soon as we hand-in the paperwork and soft copies of our assignment. (you do not want to know what happened exactly)
I am more than relief to be out of it. It was hard to deal with last minute kind of group, and I guess its fine for my own experience. It will be the last, but then my thoughts were wrong, second assignment. Amazing, another work load. I had enough with my own work, tasks and chores at home, adding up to another responsibilities. So our second assignment, where we have to go out and do some research, surveys specifically. Outside of the university. One thing for sure I just have to go with the flow, tried to talk, its just a talk not more than that. Took a video of me even, Snapchat. “hahaha whateven”, thats all what I’m able to say.
The busiest month for second semester. I tried to focus on the positive in any kind of situation, not to be too stress, do what I have to do, put up a smile and greet people like I do. Coffee House. “Halluuu!” Pretty much how I greet people for the past two to three days.
We had ‘Mini Cat Show’ where Neko (one of my cat) as the main attraction. By late afternoon there he is, walking towards my booth greeting Neko. We had a little talk, no I mean more like we talked a lot. For sure I am an open book, however on that time, it feels right. As if a person, this person actually listening to me, not because of the stories, more like understanding it.
Days goes by, does worried is the right word. Most probably, might be just a normal thing people would ask, those who care actually, but this time it made me so confuse. So I just let it be. For someone who actually asked if I have eaten, did I have enough rest, even did I even sleep. (That period of time I would sleep around 2 to 3 in the morning or ‘sleep is for the weak’ kind of mode) This thing is not even close to normal for me. That happen every time we met, or simply through text out of no where.
Another meeting, just two more days until the due date of our second assignment. Which I have to stay a bit late at school after class just to discuss and hoping it would finish by 5. Nope, not going to happen. He haven’t eat anything since yesterday, so yeah he asked me if I want to go out for dinner, probably continue our work afterwards. So we did, it was weird for me to actually have a dinner with a group mate, specifically male. For sure I can not stay at school at night. Instead, stayed up all night at home.
“Could you like dangani aku later? Like to keep me stay awake“ First I thought I would just either text or miss-called to keep him awake. Here goes to my first FaceTime. (yes, I know). Strange, but I was excited at the same time, to actually do our assignment, seeing virtually and his cats. In between again we talk about random things, until I fall asleep six in the morning, where I forgot to end the call. Then thats just it, I thought. Receiving texts about any topic or trying to make the conversation going. To start with I am not the type to text anyone, unless you need something from me. More like “yes, what do you want“ kind of respond. Would say I am a boring person to talk with through text, might as well to talk with in real life. Well sometimes. Depends on what you are going to talk about, cats and anime would be a good start, and games.
Afterwards the day continues for more texts, asking me class related question, as well as other subject that I did not even take, or know that much, that have you eaten, drink water, how are you all those I don’t even know why kind of questions. But I tried, sometimes I let it be. Video calls at night, discussing random topics as usual. It was great to have someone to talk with, its been a while actually but for this one its not just an empty words. As I stated before, involve understanding.
I tried to stop, but its there. I tried to ignore, yet its everywhere.
I think its just me, I myself don’t even understand what it is. Hanging might be the right word for me right now. Early in the morning was talking with him, how he feels at that time, and I responded “its like you’re screaming in and out”, surprisingly related to my blog post. Empty is what I feel on that time, to think that I need to stop, because I don’t really get it. signals, I do not understand a thing whatever it is, is this what they called as mix signals given by men. Probably.
Received an email he told me, and I knew it from a post through Instagram. Spectacle (Art and Design Graduation Show 2016) I went to one of the showcase where you could get into this tiny house.
I decided to get in as he knocked the door and said “Assalamualaikum, I’m home” well damn.
I took a video of it (heh creep HAHA okay enough) He did not just say that, or maybe its just for fun. Looking around each and every one of the showcase, we took pictures it was amazing really. To actually see art itself made by our own students. We even discuss and play around.
To be with the person to watch sunset for the first time, and its lilac like damn.
The Underground, one of the event.
I asked him if he wanted to go and see whatever it is there. In the afternoon, we went.
Wasn’t much but I like chocolate ice cream. It was so good. We took a photo at the photo booth thing. Decided to have a late lunch at Bandar. I am so in love with the ice lemon tea, really. hahaha.
Walking around bandar was unexpectedly fun, I took pictures of the old buildings, the mosque, the people itself and secretly his as well.
“does this count as our first date?”
*insert random emotional cat emoji here*
I am afraid to fall again, I am trying to avoid but I guess I just can not. You know what will happen, well sometimes you do not. You know how if feels like to beloved, but maybe this is one of it. It’s so complicated. How happy I would be to see his smile, his actions, simple things we did. To be able to watch sunset for the first time with him, lilac ones. My favourite color.
On that day, at the beach waiting for another sunset. To confess what I am feeling right now, I did. I wasn’t even thinking straight.
“I think I fall for you”
“shit did I just said that”
to be continued…