Diary · Mind, Body & Soul

It’s not fine

34th

I kept on saying that everything will be okay, it will be fine which the only words that I have been saying to myself, and it is not fair that I have to say that and be okay with people’s shit.

This semester is hectic mentally. I believe that every assignments, presentation, and tasks are doable as long as you actually doing it and put an effort into it. I don’t get on how people can easily throw things away as if it is not their problem, hence I hate group work. There is no “we” or “us” in it.

When you are trying to lead, you are seen as bossy or pushy.

When you are not doing anything, you are called free riders.

I have always picked the first option because I do prefer to get things done a week before submission or at least few days before submission.
Lesson learn for thousands of years last minute was shit.

I hardly feel okay with the group members I’m in. I feel shitty for having to pick up someone’s mess and fixed it and marks are distributed equally. JUSTICE TO UNIVERSITY LIFE WHERE YOU ARE!

Okay, that’s one. Secondly, is to balance my personal life, university life, family life, cat life and business life, which I can’t find the foundation to keep it still just because my emotions are kind of stable kind of not because I kept on saying that I’m fine, I’m okay, It will be alright but in reality I am so tired and I don’t know how to even cry anymore. I do lean to my boyfriend for support, but other times I tend to be like “I’m a young adult, you can figure this shit up and just do it”.

Thirdly, the examination is coming in a week. I am ready for the three modules which are Retail Management, Service Management, and Management Information System. But I am not okay with Financial Management, it’s two times much harder than Accounting and Statistic. But in reality, I do pay attention in class, I do understand and to see the tutorial questions, my brain just shuts down. I. JUST.WHY.

Fourthly, I am worried financially. I have been overly dependent on my boyfriend and it is not fair in my point of view as he takes really good care of me for the past two years and more. As well as to my mom as she supports me in terms of the technology (in simple words, phone) and whenever I’m struggling financially. I keep on reminding myself to work hard, earn more money BUT THEN the money will just disappear as it goes to the bills that I have to pay and taking medical care for Nala.

I think that’s it.

I’m just going to focus on studying and resting and coping mentally, with whatever it is happening around me. bye.

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